Fear Of Rejection
What is Rejection?
Rejection is the idea of pushing someone or something away. People can experience both ends of rejection, either perpetrating it or being on the receiving end. However, the negative feelings surrounding rejection and fear often stem from the latter. These feelings are rooted in the idea of not being accepted, which can lead to shame, sadness, or grief.
Types of Rejection
Rejection can occur in a wide array of contexts and is an inevitable occurrence in life. Most people will at some point experience rejection, whether it be from a job opportunity, admittance to a college or graduate program, or from a love interest. Some of the most challenging forms of rejection that individuals may endure include familial rejection, social rejection, rejection in a relationship, and romantic rejection.
Familial rejection can be a painful experience for an individual and may condition them to be emotionally vulnerable and fear other types of rejection more greatly. Since family is expected to provide unconditional support and love to each other, an individual who does not receive that from their family and/or receives the opposite can leave the individual feeling worthless. Rejection that occurs in families is often in the form of abuse, abandonment, neglect, or withholding of love and affection.
Social rejection is related to not receiving acceptance in society and meeting societal expectations. Children and adolescents may be most vulnerable to social rejection during their identity forming years. The pressure to fit in among their peers can create distress around rejection.
Interpersonal rejection occurs in relationships when one or both partners feel a lack of validation from the other. Withholding affection, intimacy, time, and emotional vulnerability may result in feelings of rejection within the relationship. When relationships end, one or both partners may also deal with feelings related to rejection.
Romantic rejection happens when someone asks another individual out on a date and is denied.
Psychological Effects of Rejection
Long-term effects of rejection can contribute to issues such as difficulty succeeding in school and forming relationships, and the development of a lasting fear of rejection.
Depression directly correlates with rejection, as those who are bullied in school, or ostracized in other situations, are more likely to suffer from depression and other mental health issues such as stress, eating disorders and self-harming behaviors.
Pain from rejection can look similar to when someone experiences physical pain. Research has shown that the same brain pathways that are activated by physical pain also activate in response to a social pain like rejection.
Anxiety and stress are more likely to occur in those who experience rejection frequently, especially if they already suffer from other pre-existing conditions that contribute to anxiety and stress.
Fear of Rejection
While rejection is looked at as a negative experience, the feelings associated with being rejected are evolutionary and link back to a survival mechanism for early humans who were at risk of being excluded from their tribes. Those who were better able to adapt, and meet the social expectations of the tribe, were more likely to avoid rejection and survive. Considering this, it is important to recognize that feeling rejected is a natural human response.
Overcoming Fear of Rejection
While rejection is understandably a painful occurrence, it is a universal experience. Avoiding opportunities because of fear of rejection may limit the potential for growth and other positive experiences. Learning how to cope with the feelings associated with rejection may help.
Some methods for dealing with rejection can include:
Validating your feelings
Understanding that rejection is a learning opportunity
Reminding yourself of your worth
Keeping things in perspective
Learning about yourself and your rejection fears
Facing your fears
Speaking with friends or a mental health professional can help lessen the isolation associated with feeling rejected.
Frequently Ask Questions
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Despite the universality of rejection and its associated feelings, it is understandable that rejection can hurt. Humans desire social connections and need to feel accepted in order to find a community. Being excluded takes away from the positive feelings associated with belongingness, leading to the negative emotions attached to rejection.
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Rejection sensitivity is an extreme form of fearing rejection, in which the individual may perceive that they are being rejected when in reality they are not. They may not be able to think logically about the situation and will conclude they are being rejected.
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While there is no direct cause of rejection sensitivity, those who experienced rejection early in life, such as in their relationship with parents during childhood, are more likely to develop rejection sensitivity.
Disclaimer
The information on this page, or elsewhere on this site, is not intended to take the place of diagnosis, treatment or informed advice from a qualified mental health professional. You should not take or avoid any action without consultation with the latter.If you would like to talk to a counselor, please click here.
References
Psychology Today. Rejection Sensitivity. Retrieved on April 1, 2022.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/rejection-sensitivity
Maypole, Crystal. (2019, December 11). Ten tips for overcoming your fear of rejection. Healthline.
https://www.healthline.com/health/fear-of-rejection
Good Therapy. (2019, March 7). Rejection.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/rejection