Emotional Safety In A Relationship
Intimate Partner Violence Against Women
Intimate partner violence (IPV) against women is common. Approximately 1 in every 4 women has been subjected to sexual violence, physical aggression, or stalking by a partner. In addition, nearly 43 million women have been victims of psychological abuse by a romantic partner. IPV begins at a young age and continues throughout one's life. Approximately 11 million women indicated they first encountered sexual abuse, physical abuse, and stalking by a romantic partner before the age of 18, according to the Office of Women’s Health.
What Is Emotional Abuse?
Sometimes it can be hard to define what emotional abuse is. Typically, emotional abuse involves using control, isolation, manipulation or threats to influence a person’s behaviors. Examples of emotional abuse include using rejection, gaslighting, put-downs, public humiliation, intimidation, or threats to control someone’s behaviors. Emotional abuse may be just as hurtful and destructive as physical violence, and it can significantly impact a person’s mental health.
What Is Emotional Safety And Why Is It Important?
Emotional security comes from within. It entails being able to recognize and express one’s emotions. Emotional safety involves disclosing one’s true self to someone else. It is sharing one’s unhappiness, concerns, and vulnerabilities, and having a difficult dialogue without it devolving into a fight. It is speaking up without fear of being judged, yelled at, or rejected.
Conversely, when women feel unsafe in a relationship, they may attempt to deal with it through disconnection, tension, defensiveness, or irritation, which reduces the degree to which initimacy and trust can develop and grow.
Emotional safety is crucial for emotional connection. According to Stephen Porges, PhD, an expert in the field of neuroscience, humans are wired to seek safety and connection.
Cultivating Emotional Safety In Relationship
To begin cultivating emotional safety in your relationship, consider the following:
Set boundaries:
Boundaries let another person know how to treat you. When both partners respect each other's boundaries, both people feel safe and loved.
Work on active listening:
To feel safe and acknowledged, people must be heard and understood. When you put your defenses and distractions aside and listen to what your partner says, you are engaged in active listening.
Transparency:
Transparency is crucial in establishing trust and ensuring emotional safety. Transparency eliminates the possibility that either you or your partner is withholding something from one another.
Frequently Ask Questions
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Emotional abuse can come in many forms that are not as obvious as physical abuse. If you feel controlled, shamed, humiliated, anxious, and fearful in the presence or absence of the person, these might be signs of emotional abuse.
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Around 35% of female IPV survivors experience physical injuries from an intimate partner. IPV has the potential to cause death. Studies have shown that over 50% o women homicide victims in the United States are murdered by a current or previous male partner.
IPV is also linked to several additional negative health impacts, including chronic illnesses that impact the heart, digestive, reproductive, muscle and bone, and neurological systems. Victims may suffer from mental health issues such as depression and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
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All resources listed are available 24 hours a day/7 days a week
National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Dating Abuse Helpline: Call 866-331-9474 or 866-331-8453 (TDD)
National Sexual Assault Hotline: Call 800-656-4673
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When we feel emotionally safe in our relationships, we can relax and be our most authentic selves. When our brains are not perceiving someone in our life as a potential threat to our safety, we are able to be open and vulnerable about our feelings, thoughts, and ideas. This allows us to invite others in through our body language, facial expression, and tone of voice. These components foster a reciprocal sense of safety and provide the optimal conditions for emotional connection to blossom.
Disclaimer
The information on this page, or elsewhere on this site, is not intended to take the place of diagnosis, treatment or informed advice from a qualified mental health professional. You should not take or avoid any action without consultation with the latter.
If you would like to talk to a counselor, please click here.
References
Emotional and verbal abuse. (2019, April 19). Office of Women’s Health. https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/emotional-and-verbal-abuse
Matejko, S. (2021, July 26). 7 Ways to Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationship. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-do-you-create-emotional-safety-in-your-relationships
Relationships and Safety. (2017, December 4). Office Of Women's Health. https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety
The Gottman Institute. (2021, February 11). Emotional Safety is Necessary for Emotional Connection. https://www.gottman.com/blog/emotional-safety-is-necessary-for-emotional-connection/